Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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