Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
