Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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