gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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