I'm lost and stupid without you.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
