I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
either way he was missing a nipple.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
