I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize