It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize