Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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