the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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