She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
