dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just googled if crying burns calories
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize