Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
