The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
