thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
