i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
