Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
