yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
