so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
