I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
