I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
