He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
