I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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