none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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