i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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