so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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