batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
