man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
