If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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