i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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