Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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