fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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