last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
