i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
