I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
