You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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