Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
