Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
