ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
