Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
