This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize