I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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