Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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