I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
