Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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