I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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