i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
