I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
