I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
