I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize