I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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