I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
