I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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