yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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