Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
