we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
