ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
