I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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