Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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