I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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