When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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