My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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