You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
