I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
