sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
