I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
