So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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