Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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