Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
