Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
