I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
