My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
