3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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